OFI All-Australian Team 2006

In light of Benny's Booze Bus Bolt, recent conversations around the campfire (read: beer) revealed the massive number number of players who have been involved in Off-Field Indiscretions (OFIs). So much so, that I reckon we can make a team out of them!

So, below (scroll down!) is the pick of players currently (or very recently) running around the league who've had their name in the paper for all the wrong reasons.

NOTES: Where I know of it, I've listed either their most recent, or most well known OFI. Players are listed with current club - not necessarily related to the OFI.

(Apologies for my mediocre HTML Coding. If anyone knows why there is a half-page gap between this sentence and the table, I'd be happy to hear it)

FF:	J. Farmer (FRE) (assault on de facto)	B. Fevola (CAR) (several alcohol related, drunk at abusive at club function)	S. Milne (STK) (s*xual assault: charges dropped)
HF:	M. O'Loughlin (SYD) (s*xual assault: charges dropped)	C. Tarrant (COL) (brawl with M. Johnson at nightclub)	G. Johncock (ADE) (drink driving)
C:	H. Black (FRE) (drunk at Perth Cup)	C. Brown (HAW) (drunk, abused storeperson and broke shop window)	A. Embley (WCE) (dropped due to drinking during season)
HB:	K. Norman (CAR) (drugs: fined and suspended)	L. Angwin (CAR) (drugs: sacked)	B. Pickett (MEL) (drink driving)
FB:	D. Jacobs (HAW) (drink driving)	Q. Lynch (WCE) (running from police)	J. Shulz (RIC) (drink driving: lost team's sponsorship)
FOL:	M. Gardiner (WCE) (drugs, associating with known criminals, denied police questioning)	P. Burgoyne (POR) (s*xual assault: charges dropped)	B. Cousins (WCE) (c) (running from police, associating with known criminals, denied police questioning, hanging around with Gardiner)
I/C:	P. Everitt (HAW) (v/c) (help??)	L. Montagna (STK) (s*xual assault: charges dropped)
	L. Picioane (KAN) (drink driving)	M. Johnson(ESS) (brawl with C. Tarrant at nightclub)
Emerg:	D. Kerr (WCE) (brawl with B. Cousins at nightclub)	S. Johnson (GEE) (drunk in public)	A. Mackie (GEE) (drunk in public)
Coach:		L. Matthews (BRI) (taken to court by Neville Bruns)
President:		J. Elliott (CAR) (you name it!)

Comments, suggestions or corrections encouraged. Add a comment via the link below, or email me

Thanks: Ben, Adam, Jason S, Jason P, WA Police

Do NOT Go In There. Whhoooo!!

Someone's already stolen my domain

W*nker

Go and send him some hate mail or something. Tell him he smells and no-one likes him, I don't know...

Cuzzy Crap

I'll keep track of all the Ben Cousins jokes that come in over the next few days.

Even More Pics:

















More Pics:





Mixed One-Liners:

I hear that Ben Cousins has already chosen his song for the Players Review this year.....
- A doo run run run I do run run.

In order to stop Ben Cousins kicking goals, St Kilda will unveil their new defender in Round 1 - Constable Care

I hear that Ben Cousins has changed his footy jumper number for 2006, it is now .08

The Eagles have now helped solve parking problems at Subiaco - park at Applecross and run to the game.

The AFL are concerned about the smooth running of the tribunal system this year as it seems Eagles players will take around 5 days before they face up to their misdemeanours.

The Eagles are not concerned about losing any sponsorship revenue over the cousins incident as they are likely to pick up VB as a new sponsor.

Wedding Present - $250
New suit - $1000
Merc Leasing Costs - $3000
Drinks at the Bar - $5000
Leaving your girlfriend in the car while running away from a booze bus Priceless

Run, Benny, Run!:



Bad PSing, but still funny:



Good pic:



Crap poem (with a nice reply at the end, especially like the grammar errors, as if to enforce a stereotype...):

Captain Calamity
(Benny and the Booze Bus)

There ain't no criminals at the Dockers
But the Eagle's, they're got dozens
Like Gardiner, Kerr and Lynch
And repeat offender - Cousins

You Eagles supporters deserve it
It's called F * ckin Karma
For all the shit you're given us
About poor old Jeffrey Farmer

Ben should have got a taxi
Then he wouldn't have had to run
But he was worried that, like Beau Waters
He'd end up under one

Let's hope they throw the book at him
And send the bastard to prison
Along with his Dodgy mates
Like Gardy and John Kizon

It would be hard to lead your side
From inside a F * ck'n cell
I bet you wish you had a captain
Like the responsible Peter Bell

But I suppose Woosha would plan a prison break
He'd sneak in Judd and all his stars
And one by one they'd have a go
At poking Benny through the bars.

=====
Written by a Dockers supporter
Who only drinks beer
Sounds like sour grades to me
Cause they have nothing to cheer

More as they come in (send 'em to me if you have any)...

Hot Tip

Oval Ball: Great news out of the Saints today, with my favourite rover who doesn't run from Booze Buses, Luke Ball, being named captain. So deserving.

So, while it probably means Ball will have a quieter season than last, it means that Riewoldt's $26 price for the Brownlow is looking great, since all he'll have to worry about now is taking marks at CHF and getting it down to Fraaaaaaaaase. Incidentally, Ball $17, Dal Santo $15, Hayes $101.

To be filed under "who gives a sh*t", Dooooogs played well the other night. I would have been more interested had he been traded. Oh to think what we could have got for Doooogs and Gardy...

And, stay tuned for the AFL OFI Team of the Century, containing the best players to have been involved in Off-Field Indicretions, captained by guess who? If you've got selction suggestions, comment me (or email blogsareso2005@iinet.net.au)

Round Ball: Sorry to break it to you, but World Cup 2006 is all decided already.
Try your own predictions with Excely's little spreadsheet. Points to note:

• Germany barely have to get out of bed to get through the 1st round, before a grudge match vs England


• The last Group B match, England v Sweden will be massive (winner plays Poland, loser plays Germany)


• Netherlands will be one of the best teams to watch, but have a cursed run (in a group with Argentina, then have to beat Portugal and Germany, only to meet Brazil in a semi)


• Italy should beat Czech Republic...


• Australia should draw one and win one against Japan and Croatia (patriotism=idiocy)...


• Setting up Italy v Australia 2nd round (just as a side note, I will be in Croatia when they play the last group match against them, and in Italy for that 2nd round match - just thought I'd add that...)


• Some of those 2nd round matches (GER-ENG, POR-NED, ESP-SUI) will probably be decided by penalties, but the spreadsheet can't do it


• I will be watching Germany v Argentina in the QF in Berlin(just thought I'd add that...)


• Despite 6 of the 8 quarter-finalists being from mainland Europe, it still ends up a South American final


• There's still a good chance of a BRA-ITA final (but it had better be more entertaining than '94)


• Argentina $3.75 for a place looks like a good bet


• My knowledge and predictive skills of international sport knows no (lower) bound

Music: Nice article in The Age about music on TV shows, in particular The OC. Interesting to note that Cold Case can't be released on DVD because licensing all the music will cost too much!

Betfair

News today is that Betfair are now operating within Australia. For the uninitiated, Betfair works as a peer-to-peer betting exchange (kinda like stock exchange) where, rather than betting against a bookmaker, you bet against anonymous punters.

The upside is, you get to bet on losses.

So, for the cynical-types (not me, never!), you get to put your money where your mouth is.

Example 1:
You're a mad West Coast fan, and you're still bitter about the game that never happened at the MCG on the last Saturday of last September. You've spent the whole off-season rubbishing the Premiers, claiming they'll never be seen there again. Well! Now you can go to Betfair, and place a "lay" bet for Sydney to win the Premiership (as opposed to a "back" bet) at the odds of 11.
Now, my maths might be dodgy, but you can determine an equivalent "TAB-style" price with the formula: TAB-Style Price = Betfair Lay Odds / (Betfair Lay Odds - 1).
So, you can get $1.10 for Sydney not to win next year's premiership. No doubt, there will be Final 8 markets up soon (Quick calculation: TAB has Sydney at $1.43 to make the 8. By my maths, that's roughly equivalent to $3.30 on a "lay" bet. That sounds devilishly attractive...)

Example 2:
You're sick of hearing how this year is "Freo's big chance". Well! Again, the Final 8 odds aren't up on Betfair yet, but TAB has them at $1.85 to make it. Equivalent Betfair "lay" price: $2.18. Mmmmmwwwwaaaahhhhhaaaaahahahah.

Example 3:
You have a good laugh every two years when the Round Ball media talk up England's chances of winning the World Cup/Euro Championship. Well! You can take the 8.4 "lay" bet for England to Win 2006 World Cup (equivalent price: $1.14). Or, the 4.6 "lay" to make the Final (equiv: $1.27). Better still, try the "Win Group B" "lay" at 1.77 (equiv: $2.30), which is basically saying Sweden will beat them in their group match.

The downside is, you have to outlay some decent money to get anything back with odds like those. Over the course of a year, I only bet about $100, and exclusively on $3 and upwards prices (I love an upset!).

What was that Gambler's Helpline number again?...

Eddie's Last Show

Just a couple of quick points today.

Red Ball: Didn't watch the Allan Border Medal last night (referred to by some as Australian Cricket Idol), but after reading about Tufnell's pre-recorded bit, I kinda wish I did. Better still is Punter's reply

"I probably wouldn't have minded it so much if it had been someone who had taken part in that series. Someone that never really did anything against Australia in any game that he ever played was a little bit harder to cop, I guess"

Ooohh, snap!

And, it appears it might be one of the last times we see Ed McGuire host a show, as the December rumours of him taking over the Nine network look like coming true. Great news for anyone who doesn't support Collingwood (i.e. anyone with a brain), since he'll stop commentating, quit The Footy Show, and will drop the Presidency. News Limited, with a perfect chance to have a dig at a rival, have gone straight to the intelligentsia for a comment - Joffa (a.k.a. f*ckwit with the gold jacket at Collingwood games)!

And, in other media circles, many are already plotting his downfall. This from an unnamed former media public company CEO (in Crikey, not online):

"To put Eddie McGuire in the CEO's seat at Nine without him having had any big company management experience or without having made the mistakes you make on the way up could be as big a mistake by James Packer as OneTel.

Tell Eddie he's a great CEO in the making but, like all of us, you have to learn and earn your way, not start at the top."

My opinion: once you get into this purple circle of CEO and Board Presidencies, you're set. Even if you do have some massive cock-ups, you'll just go somewhere else.

So, I gotta (geniunely) say, well done Ed. At least now you can do what you're best at (pressing flesh, moving and shaking) and not bother us TV watchers and footy fans with hearing about it.