We Cross Live Now To A Midget on a Camel...

Hi folks.

Such is my dedication to the reader (not a typo) of this blog, that I'm taking time out of my holidays to post. Who's your Daddy? That's right, you know it...

I'm in Rome now. I was in Dubrovnik, Croatia, the other night, where I had the pleasure/fear of watching a truly excellent thriller between the Socceroos and Hrvatska.

Immeasureable pleasure in watching Kewell get a World Cup goal, and even old man Craig Moore getting picked for the penalty almost purely for sentimental reasons...

Tempered by fear watching a few pissed Aussie f**kwits baiting the locals when we levelled the scores, and going back for more when the red cards started showing.

Firstly, wasn't it refreshing to see that the Croatian team still hasn't progressed from their dirty, cheating methods displayed for all to see in France '98. Only Croatia could self-destruct like that when things go bad.

And, was I the only one who thought "Aussie" Joe Simunic got 3 yellow cards before being sent off?

However, a note to anyone who watches a game played by a previously war-torn nation in that country... Shut the f**k up and watch the game, regardless of the score!

It's perfectly summed up by the pissed Aussies doing the best chant they could think of - "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi! Oi! Oi!", in response to the Hrvatska crowd chanting stuff along the lines of "Tread on the enemy! Crush! Crush! Crush!".

Anyway, the result was awesome, and I can only imagine how the bandwagon back home is looking for a 6th gear in order to move everyone who's jumping on it.

As a result, and in response to what is undoubtedly some fantastic journalism coming out from The West or even the Murdoch papers back home, here are Krisko's Points To Note about the 2nd Round Match vs Italy.

1. Australia will not win. Just thought I'd make that clear straight away.


2. The best we can hope for is a miracle draw and penalties.


3. Guus Hiddink knows about 10 times more about football/soccer than anyone in Australia.


4. If in doubt, refer to point 3.


5. Italy has Totti.


6. Australia has Kewell (a bad comparison).


7. Italy has Toni.


8. Australia has, um, Kewell.


9. Italy has Pirlo.


10. Australia has, um, Kewell? OK, maybe Bresciano (don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of Bresciano, but he's no Totti, Toni or Pirlo).


11. Australia's best players, in rough order from best to worst, are Kewell, Bresciano, Viduka, Cahill, daylight to Neill, then even more daylight to the rest. If any of those players don't start the match, refer to point 3. Trust him, he knows what he's doing.


12. Scott Chipperfield is sh!t. So sh!t in fact that most opposition wingers will leave him alone to get the ball, knowing that he won't do anything constructive with it. If he plays, again, refer to point 3.


13. Mile Sterjovski, before the game against Croatia was in the same boat as Chipperfield. However, he played a decent game, so I'll give him a little break here.


14. Schwarzer will 'keep this game. You can bet your house upon that!


15. Australia will not score from a set piece. Except just maybe a corner. Free kicks you can forget about, so don't get excited when we get one. In fact, that's a good time to go and get a beer (or coffee, depending on which timezone you're in).


16. Italy will be a threat from every set piece (and every normal play as well).


17. Nesta is injured. He's one of the top 5 defenders in the world, so that helps, but it won't help enough.


18. Italy 3-0. Maybe 3-1, and damn it will be fun if that 1 comes early. Enjoy the trip, though, folks, as it's not often us Aussies get to back a team in a genuine world championship.

I will be watching the game somewhere in Rome. Hopefully my luck continues, but as you can see from the above, I'm not holding high hopes. If the miracle occurs, and we repeat Guus' efforts from 2002, the even better news is that we'll play the winner of Switzerland v Ukraine.

In actual fact, all that means is that Italy's price shortened massively when Korea scored a last-minute equaliser against France a week or so back...

Come on Aussie.