How Many Half-Volleys to Make 112 Runs?

White Ball: I'm an angry b*tch today, still reeling from Sunday night's debacle...

I have this horrible run of luck where the best sports games I remember watching are actually losses (perfect example, best Western Derby ever was the one where Dale Kickett went postal, Phil Read got angry - what a surprise, Phil Matera managed to hurt someone - the umpire, but my team lost in a thriller).

I thought that run of luck ended in the Socceroo's qualifier (btw, just to make me feel better on Monday morning, I had another look at the photo gallery - I recommend it, very therapeutic if you're ever feeling crap).

But no, the best ODI ever ended up a terrible, terrible loss. Everyone's been asking how did we manage to not defend 434. Two simple answers, Bracken dropping Gibbs (he got 45 extra runs from that), and Ponting putting Lewis back on not once, not twice, but three times!

Quick quiz for young players:
Imagine you're captain of a side fielding 2nd, 43 overs gone. The batting side needs 77 runs off the last 7 overs (4 wickets in hand). You've got Bracken bowling at one end pretty well. Who do you put on to bowl?:

• Symonds (9-0-75-2)


• Clarke (7-0-49-1)


• Clark (6-0-54-0)


• Lewis (7-0-72-0)

Maybe you might want to avoid the slow bowlers (even though they're doing the best of a bad bunch), so you'd choose between Clark and maybe Lewis.

That's right, you read somewhere (it might have been a Cricket Australia press release?) that Lewis is apparently a "bowl at the death specialist".

So, you put on the only bowler who's going for more than 10 an over.

Bad decision, and it only gets worse!

1-4-6-1-2-0 Lewis gets carted for 16 runs. Next over, Bracken bowls his only bad one so far (14 runs). They now need only 47 runs from 5 overs. Better batten down the hatches, eh? I know, I'll put the "bowl at the death specialist" on.

2-1-1-1-1-3 Lewis falls in for 9 runs. Next over, Bracken gets a wicket and goes for 8 runs. Now they need 30 runs from the last 3 overs.

You've got half a chance here now. You'll leave Bracken and Bing to bowl overs 49 and 50, so who to have for 47?:

• Symonds (9-0-75-2) RR 8.33


• Clarke (7-0-49-1) RR 7.00


• Clark (6-0-54-0) RR 9.00


• Lewis (9-0-96-0) RR 10.66

Here's a great idea, how about you put on the only bowler going for more than 10 an over (since that's exactly what the required run rate is)?

4-2-4-1-2-4 (17 runs).

Good one, f*ckwit.

No one now cares about your 164 runs in the first innings, since you just wasted 41 runs putting Lewis back on.

No one now cares about Australia's awesome record in the last 5-10 years (this was the first bilaterial ODI series Australia lost since Pakistan in 2002).

Certainly, no one gives a f*ck that we won the 4th ODI despite Smith saying we choked.

And, you know what, no one will care even if we win the World Cup next year, because we will forever be the team that couldn't defend not only the highest score ever, but 36 runs over that score. Everyone's already forgotten about the '99 World Cup that Herschelle "dropped".

Links: Warney jumping the gun, branding Smith a fool. The Age jumping the gun even more, singing the Aussie's praises after the 1st Innings. The Australian quoting Ponting trying to blame it all on Lewis, like Ponting didn't have 3 chances to nip that in the bud. One journo having the guts to say Lewis is finished (some would question whether he ever started at all). Ponting making the first steps toward realising his mess-up. And a happy bunch of Saffies, so they should be.

In an attempt to forget that and move on, good to see England weren't just flashes in the pan in the Ashes, eh? Losing the 2nd of 3 Tests against India (after getting only 181 in their 2nd digs), many would be surprised to hear that, ignoring 2 tests against Bangladesh, the Poms have won the grand total of 2 of their last 10 Tests (and that includes The Ashes!).

Music: Nice article 'bout The Vines (now minus Patrick Matthews who ran from the carnage to join Youth Group), the new album, and everyone's favourite mentally disturbed lead singer.

Thanks, Jason